Tuesday, February 15, 2011


Day 2....COMPLETE.  It feels so good to have competed two workout days and two days of eating and drinking healthy.  Now I have a head ache.  Maybe because I haven't had any sugar in my system or soda not sure but I'm sure it will pass.  It's funny how you almost have with drawl symptoms as if your coming off a bad drug.  I guess bad food is like a drug besides I was craving to eat ALL the time. Yesterday was so hard for me because the desire to just eat all the wrong stuff.  When I would lie down all I was thinking about was what I was gonna eat on my lunch break at work.  I begin to ask myself why are you thinking about food?  Why?  What are you wanting food to replace at this time?  I don't know.  I don't know when and why I develop  such and unhealthy relationship with food.  I thought it was because of all the bad relationships I had been in and had it suppressed. So I forgave ever body that ever hurt me.  I'm getting free!  I forgive you you and you...I'm free!  I begin to exercise but my food habit remained the same.  I'm saying to myself okay you didn't eat right last week so this week we gone do better gurl.  But that change never came with the eating.  Of course this went on for a couple of years.  I believe the first time I could see that I had an unhealthy relationship with food is when I sat down to eat and I had TWO plates in front of me.  I stopped looked and thought about my reality at that very moment..... and finished both plates.  Wow TWO plates.  There really is an elephant in the room.  He's been in the room of my life for a while now but I've made him comfortable and gave him a lease to my home.  I have never looked at this elephant I've always had my back towards him but I know he's in the room.  Last night I for the first time have turned around to face the elephant.  He's in the corner not doing much just taking up space.  I ask myself ...Why are you here?  When did I go to the zoo and purchase a dog gone elephant?  When did I forget about my health and begin to cling onto food?  When did I stop caring about my body?  When did I stop caring about SELF?... When did I become a servant of FOOD?... so many questions and thoughts run through my mind as I face the elephant for the first time.  I see him and I recognized that I have an Elephant in my room....COMPLETE.  This has been the hardest turn and confrontation in my life.  but it is COMPLETE.

I still don't have any answers to how when and why I started to serve food.  But one ting I do know is that I am more than able.  Did you hear that Yvette?  YOU ARE!  I AM MORE THAN ABLE to get my answer with doing the right thing and processing my thoughts and reasons for why I'm choosing to eat and on the days when I don't want to exercise why.  I'm going to sift my life like flour in this area.  Once I find out what has really lead me to this path with food.  I know for sho that change for me has come home and I will be evicting that elephant.  I'm so excited about this journey.  This new discovery of ME!...LOL...I can hear that song by Diana Ross in my head...."I'M COMING OUT  DA DA I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW GOT TO LET IT SHOW!"  THERES A NEW ME COMING OUT AND I JUST WANT TO LIVE COMPLETELY POSITIVE....LOL.....

Today I walked my three times round my block.  I was so tired when I got off work but I did it.  Last night at work I ate a healthy lunch.  I know it's only day two but I declare seems like I've had to climb Mount Everest to get here.  Now at the end of this day I can say.....COMPLETE.

No comments:

Post a Comment