STARTING OVER/ WEIGHT LOSS... DAY 4 COMPLETE 02/17/2011 THURS.

DAY FOUR:  COMPLETE   Today has been a great day!  I walked my thirty minutes and ate healthy.   I'm just loving life.  God is so good.  Not much to say today.  All is well and I'm back on track and it feels soooo good.

STARTING OVER/ WEIGHT LOSS... DAY 3 COMPLETE 02/16/2011 WED.

Day 3:  COMPLETE...It was a wonderful day.  I walked and I ate my healthy food.  It is amazing what can happen in all of three days or seventy-two hours.  I 'm breaking through.  I was thinking about some kind of deep seated issue in my life that has caused me to have this wrong relationship with food and exercise.  How I have got to dig it all up, but it's not any deep seated issue.  The elephant in my room name is UNDISCIPLINED.  The deep issue is that I have never been taught the meaning of nutrition and exercise.  Growing up as a child my parents let us eat pretty much what we want.  There was just know boundaries with food.  If it taste good go for it.  No concern about portion size. No concern about eating foods that will raise the blood pressure.  No concern about foods when over indulged will cause the kidneys to shut down. Get the biggest plate and whatever you put on it you betta eat all of it cause we don't have money to be wasting on food.  I mean we were not allowed to eat candy all day but if we were hungry we could eat.  We didn't have to ask to go into the fridge to eat.  My mom could cook and I loved to eat whatever she cooked.  As a child if the food was good then you ate it until you got full.  No one was looking on the back of the box to read the ingredients.  We just ate it.  So this is my ah ha moment.  Food is here to serve me and exercise is to keep me alive.  I'm getting disciplined and educated about food.  It's not just here to indulge for pleasurable reasons but it's like the gas in the car it keeps you able to go forward.  If I'm gonna have a smooth ride and keep the quality of my car up to par I must ride with Grade A gas.  If I plan to live a health life I must fuel my body with Grade A food and proper exercise.  Wow!  That's it.  I have evicted the elephant!  He's out of here....I hear that song by Ray Charles..."HIT THE ROAD JACK AND DON'T YOU COME BACK NO MO NO MO NO MO NO MO HIT THE ROAD JACK AND DON'T YOU COME BACK NO MO!...WHAT YOU SAY..."  LOL   Now at the end of my day I can say once more and again...COMPLETE.

STARTING OVER/ WEIGHT LOSS... DAY 2 COMPLETE 02/15/2011 TUES. THERE IS A ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM

Day 2....COMPLETE.  It feels so good to have competed two workout days and two days of eating and drinking healthy.  Now I have a head ache.  Maybe because I haven't had any sugar in my system or soda not sure but I'm sure it will pass.  It's funny how you almost have with drawl symptoms as if your coming off a bad drug.  I guess bad food is like a drug besides I was craving to eat ALL the time. Yesterday was so hard for me because the desire to just eat all the wrong stuff.  When I would lie down all I was thinking about was what I was gonna eat on my lunch break at work.  I begin to ask myself why are you thinking about food?  Why?  What are you wanting food to replace at this time?  I don't know.  I don't know when and why I develop  such and unhealthy relationship with food.  I thought it was because of all the bad relationships I had been in and had it suppressed. So I forgave ever body that ever hurt me.  I'm getting free!  I forgive you you and you...I'm free!  I begin to exercise but my food habit remained the same.  I'm saying to myself okay you didn't eat right last week so this week we gone do better gurl.  But that change never came with the eating.  Of course this went on for a couple of years.  I believe the first time I could see that I had an unhealthy relationship with food is when I sat down to eat and I had TWO plates in front of me.  I stopped looked and thought about my reality at that very moment..... and finished both plates.  Wow TWO plates.  There really is an elephant in the room.  He's been in the room of my life for a while now but I've made him comfortable and gave him a lease to my home.  I have never looked at this elephant I've always had my back towards him but I know he's in the room.  Last night I for the first time have turned around to face the elephant.  He's in the corner not doing much just taking up space.  I ask myself ...Why are you here?  When did I go to the zoo and purchase a dog gone elephant?  When did I forget about my health and begin to cling onto food?  When did I stop caring about my body?  When did I stop caring about SELF?... When did I become a servant of FOOD?... so many questions and thoughts run through my mind as I face the elephant for the first time.  I see him and I recognized that I have an Elephant in my room....COMPLETE.  This has been the hardest turn and confrontation in my life.  but it is COMPLETE.

I still don't have any answers to how when and why I started to serve food.  But one ting I do know is that I am more than able.  Did you hear that Yvette?  YOU ARE!  I AM MORE THAN ABLE to get my answer with doing the right thing and processing my thoughts and reasons for why I'm choosing to eat and on the days when I don't want to exercise why.  I'm going to sift my life like flour in this area.  Once I find out what has really lead me to this path with food.  I know for sho that change for me has come home and I will be evicting that elephant.  I'm so excited about this journey.  This new discovery of ME!...LOL...I can hear that song by Diana Ross in my head...."I'M COMING OUT  DA DA I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW GOT TO LET IT SHOW!"  THERES A NEW ME COMING OUT AND I JUST WANT TO LIVE COMPLETELY POSITIVE....LOL.....

Today I walked my three times round my block.  I was so tired when I got off work but I did it.  Last night at work I ate a healthy lunch.  I know it's only day two but I declare seems like I've had to climb Mount Everest to get here.  Now at the end of this day I can say.....COMPLETE.

STARTING OVER/ WEIGHT LOSS... DAY 1 COMPLETE 02/14/2011 MON.

Getting started again.  Weight loss has been the biggest challenge in my life!  I can just scream when I think about exercising and loosing weight.  I can also cry and kick.  I hate to even start AGAIN!  In my mind I'm thinking..."Gurl you have been on this road a zillion trillion times and failed."  Anywho I have not only became lazy with working out but I have created a eating disorder.  YEP!  Sho have.  All I think about is food and eating.  I eat even when I'm not hungry.  While I'm eating I never get full.  It's like I become agitated when I'm not able to eat something sweet or especially my fast foods.  I HAVE GOT TO HAVE SOMETHING GOOD TO EAT!  Really it's like a monster inside of me and I hate it.  While battling the mental part of this reoccurring challenge I'm faced with the aches and pains that my body goes through on a daily basis.  My legs hurt.  My feet and hands are always swelling. It's hard for me to get up and down out of a simple sitting position.  Oh don't even mention putting on clothes..everything looks horrible on me.  I tried on a size 24 the other day and could not button the jacket up.  I was so out done!  Okay.  Now that we have all of that out guess what....I'm still FAT.  So I do realize that if I'm gonna have a change of life and really live my best life I'm gonna have to put in the HARD work and that's it.  So today I got up off my aches and pains and I walked for about 30 mins. around my neighborhood.  Which is about three times around the block.  My goal word for the week is..COMPLETE My goal is to complete for this week 3 times around my block and eat things that will benefit my bodies good health and that's it.  I will complete this task this week.  I hope that these post will encourage someone with these same challenges but mostly it's a way for me to get painful thoughts out without talking about them out loud.  Thanks for your time and remember the word for the week is COMPLETE.  Complete that which you have set out to accomplish today and don't let nothing stop you.